cruise musings

I am getting ready for vacation way early because it gives me something to look forward to. Also, because I am anal-retentive. So I've been planning what to pack, looking through the Royal Caribbean Web site, etc. Their FAQs are cracking me up, though. Like:

Can I store insulin in my stateroom?
You can store insulin in the mini bar, ice bucket, or kitchen of your stateroom.

Um, I'm not diabetic, but it just seems like a BAD IDEA to me to store insulin that you're relying on to LIVE in an ice bucket.

Do your staterooms have soap, shampoo, and conditioner?
Like a fine hotel, all of our staterooms provide soap, shampoo and conditioner.

I'm so glad, because crappy hotels don't have soap. Maybe they meant fine soap, shampoo and conditioner. I'm expecting L'Occitane now, people. Shea butter, hell yeah.

Can cribs/rollaways be provided in my stateroom?
Royal Caribbean provides Pack and Play's for use onboard. Pack and Play's are similar to a playpen. Cribs are no longer provided.

Suck it up, kid. It's not like you needed a mattress or anything.

Can Passage or a Booking Request Be Refused?
...In addition, a guest may be removed from the vessel where, in the opinion of the ship's captain, a guest is unfit for travel or a risk or danger to himself or herself or a disturbance or danger to others...

Do they make people walk the plank? Because that would be AWESOME.

Do you offer Special Occasion Cakes?
Royal Caribbean offers Birthday, Anniversary and Special Occasion Cakes fleet wide for a nominal fee of $7.95 USD.

This isn't really funny, but I would just like to point out that you should NEVER PAY FOR EXTRA FOOD on a cruise. What you will have is a repeat of my family's SS Norway experience, where my dad got an anniversary cake for my parents, which was sweet, yes. But then every night we would come back from dinner all stuffed, and they would be all, "we should have some cake." But it was that, "we should paint the house this year" tone. And then we'd be all, "arrrrrrghhhhh, bluuuuugh, guuuuurgle, noooooo caaaaaaaake."


Tanya said...

I think you are entirely too amused by the cruise FAQ.

Kelly said...

Hee hee hee - I'm amused by Carrie's amusement!

But seriously, if they have L'Occitane, you should keep requesting extra and squirrel it away for special occasions like, "hey, it's a Tuesday and I'd like my hair to smell the way it did on the cruise." Oh, and you should get some for me, too.

P.S. This strategy, while perfect for bath/body products, should not be attempted with shrimp cocktail. Don't ask me how I know. I just DO, alright?